All of us know this inner feeling of uncertainty that self-doubt brings along.
It has been a major issue in my life.
We’re not the only ones…
Even the most successful women leaders and entrepreneurs I worked with have this feeling of self-doubt.
So why is that? Where does that come from? And how do you transform that for the good?
I’m not a psychologist but I speak from my own life and work experience. And by studying depth psychology, exploring the subtle, unconscious aspects of our human experience.
Self-doubt can be different things, such as lack of confidence, feeling incapable of doing things, feeling uncertainty about the unknown.
Or, it could be doubting our choices; we have too many ideas to choose from.
It is often the root cause of comparing ourselves to others. We feel and believe we have to live up to a norm, which is always set by others. And we feel like a failure from the start.
We find it hard to not only find our own unique truth, but also living our authenticity.
We feel not good enough, not worthy, or feel like an imposter.
It can become a sort of chicken and egg story…
We gather heaps of ideas and dreams, then we find it hard to choose between. Gathering ideas like that is an unconscious way of making sure we don’t take action. And if we find ourselves on that edge of action, we feel incapable and lack confidence, and are saying things to ourselves like, ‘it’s not the right time, I have to figure things out, I have to do organise this first…’ etc., etc.
Does any of this resonate with you?
Now, there are all sorts of things out there to deal with it, and maybe you have tried a few. From the non-helpful ‘just get over it’ to affirmations, visualisations, positive self-talk, meditation, and counselling.
That feeling of self-doubt keeps nagging.
And that is because you’re trying to solve it on the wrong level…
It’s something that is not being taught in schools or by business coaches.
Because the truth of depth psychology is…
That when there’s a root cause, we need to go to the deepest human level, and that is actually beyond ourselves.
Let me explain…
Our innate human nature is a combination of both the need to be independent as our own identity and the need to belong to a group. It’ll give us the best chance of survival, as individuals and for the group as a whole.
Therefore, we need to be able to relate to each other.
When someone is telling an emotional story, you feel it
touches your heart, right?
It increases your empathy, and therefore you can connect and communicate better.
And have you ever felt the tension that arises when you feel that you’re being too much absorbed by a group, losing your own identity?
So, to learn to navigate the world and cope with the innate tension between group and own identity, we all have a set of 12 universal patterns and a centre piece in the middle inside ourselves.
These patterns, at our deepest human level, speak to us on an emotional and unconscious level, even without words.
A quick side-step….
How can a fish recognise water?
Yep, by taking it – briefly – out of the water.
You can see something clearly, when it’s the opposite or taken away, isn’t it?
For example, a short story about Mary.
She can live with all kinds of things scattered around in her living room. But when she has cleaned that up after a while, she feels it’s so much better. And she realises that she actually loves the minimalistic environment.
The same goes for our innate human patterns. There are opposites for 2 reasons.
The first one is to clearly see what we are longing for. And the second one is to relate with people’s stories when they are experiencing the opposite, shadow sides. Like we experience those shadow sides in our lives too.
Being betrayed, experienced an un-answered love, being manipulated, for example.
Do you recognise any of these?
Some people say that when we are born as a baby, we have a blank slate. We are 100% pure and free of anything.
Well, that’s not true…
It has been scientifically proven that while growing in the womb, babies sense the mother and the outer world.
My mother was born during WWII. Can you imagine the stress and fear that she as a baby has picked up?
During our upbringing and later experiences in life, a deep centre piece of our human nature is growing with self-doubt. That deep layer in all of us is called the Orphan that has unmet needs and longs to feel safe and seen as worthy. It’s like a hurt inner child.
But if you look closer, the Orphan brings the gift of slowing down and examine what is true to us.
So, instead of fighting the feeling of self-doubt, embrace it. Give your inner Orphan the love it deserves, so that it can show you the right direction and what is true in your heart.
If you are the passionate entrepreneur that feels it’s time to unleash your strengths and become fully visible to the world, then book a call with me: https://calendly.com/wayfindingentrepreneur/discoverycall
In the next article, I’ll introduce the 12 universal patterns that live inside all of us and that guide us to unleash our true potential.
Until then, please let me know… what resonates with you in this article and what are your biggest insights or questions?